I am the enemy.

I am the enemy.

I am identified as a white, cisgender, heterosexual, Christian male born in America. I am the enemy of the world. Literally the only thing that could possibly make me worse was if I were born into wealth. The fact that I was born poor is the only reasonable thing I have going for me.

Without knowing anything about me, personally, like what I think, feel, believe, say, write, practice, or do...I am already wrong. Hear me out, please.

I am not blind to the world around me. I see the struggles that are faced daily…minute to minute…by people of color, by the LGBT community, by people of other faiths, by women…all of them. Those struggles, the horror and reality of them are things I can see. I know about them and am aware of them. But I don’t live them. I can’t. I wasn’t born into them. Those are not mine to have. I do not want them, but I am not proud to say that I they aren’t mine, because I had no say in the matter.

I was born into a society that in many ways affords me the right to turn a blind eye, if I wanted to, to those struggles. I have the privilege of living my life without dealing with that burden. But you see, I have a conscience, and it is because of that conscience that I have to say something.

I’ve been told many times that I have no place in discussions on men’s violence against women, because I am a man…that I have no place in a discussion about racism because I am white…that I have no place in a discussion about homophobia or hate crime because I am heterosexual and cis…

I tried to fight that fight with people when I was younger and more ready to be combative, but ultimately I was only causing more pain and frustration for the very people who were already suffering, being marginalized, being attacked, denied, or outright assaulted and killed. I have no right to inflict more pain. It was that realization that convinced me that I should shut up. I should bow out of the discussion, because I was the enemy by birth.

I understand my thinking, at the time. I understand that I may likely hear the same thing, again. Again, and again, in fact. That doesn’t change the fact that my silence was a privilege. It doesn’t change the fact that for as much as the society I was born into, and the place I was born into at, made it necessary for me to speak.

Who am I? Am I important? No. I’m a guy. Just a guy. Poor. Average. I’m not a celebrity using a platform to speak out. I’m not high profile. I am no one special. The thing is, as I see it anyway, there are a lot more like me than there are of the high profile, celebrity, or “important” voices. The guys like me need to own who we are and where we are so that we can change it.

It is up to everyone, sure. It’s up to the people of color to speak out when a black man is killed in front of his partner and their child…but it is important that the majority stand with them, speaking the same truth to power. Saying that systemic racism is unacceptable. Even if, and especially if, those of color tell you that you have no place in that discussion. Taking yourself out of it is merely an exercise of the privilege provided by the very system that caused the symptom of the problem to be visible…in this scenario the murder of a father, lover, hero to children, and member of the community who is as deserving of all the same rights and privileges that I have.

As long as there are white faces on the television and in internet videos spewing racist hate I will feel it is a requirement of me to stand up in opposition.

As long as there are hate crimes on LGBT nightclubs, and Westboro Baptist Church protests, and rapists walking free even after being convicted, and I live in a world where I have the privilege of living my life without being affected by these things if I chose to, or living without the far of these evil acts…then I have to speak out. It breaks my heart that my children will grow up and have to be a part of this world. I can’t choose not to be affected even though, being the enemy, I could. I have a conscience, and I am too emotional, to let me be unaffected.

I’ve thought before “What good can I do?” Right? It’s a good question. Others I’ve talked to who were also, like me, the enemy by birth have felt the same way. But that’s not a question…not really. It’s a dodge. It’s the system we’ve grown up in talking. If straight, white, cisgender, men really are the majority…then they have the only real power to, all by themselves, refuse to accept the system the way it is…even if that system has benefitted them.

I’ve not acted out in a way that would support the system of racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia…I’ve never been part of a hate group, or committed a hate crime… but I’ve not spoken out loudly in opposition at every chance I had. I’ve spoken out, here and there, sure. I’ve been an ally. I have friends of all skin colors, nationalities, faiths, and gender identities…but do I just want to be that? A passive silent straight white guy…benefiting from the system that holds my friends and people I care about down and oppresses them…only occasionally speaking out…and hating the way the world around me is? No.

I just did something I’ve never done before. I wrote a letter to a politician. It may make no difference, but I’m engaged, and I don’t intend to be passive any more. I’m going to voice my opinion. I will stand when I see things that are wrong. I will vote more often and be as involved in creating change as I can be. I will look for more to do. I will do all I can… This one lone… straight… white… cisgender… Christian… man.

I’ve been told many times that one person can do nothing to change the world. I’ve been mocked for thinking that my voice could matter. But the world is full of people. We all each have just one voice, but if we all speak out together, we are loud. If we all stand together and refuse to accept the evils of the world, refuse to accept the intolerance, the bigotry, the violence, the hate, the cruelty, the suffering of the innocent… those born into the world not white, not straight, not male… then the whole of the system can change. We are the system. It’s time to stop saying that one person can’t change it, and stand together and change it as one.

I am the enemy.

I want to be the enemy of the broken system I was born into, and not those who were born to be its victims.

WOMEN'S RIGHTS to all things geeky. (what should be, but obviously isn't, a no brainer)

I'll start with this...

My friend Monica Marlowe shared this photo on Facebook this morning, and for a multitude of reasons I feel I need to share it as well.

In case you can't read the text, I'll quote it here:

     “So, last night an Indianapolis-based newspaper, IndyStar, ran an article about the burgeoning presence of women at Gen Con (and, more broadly, at gaming events in general). The article used a picture of me in my Hawkgirl costume as the lead image.

     The article also included a reference to GamerGate, complete with hashtag.

     I never consented to the use of (or, disturbingly enough, the sale of) the photo nor did I have any input on the content of the article. Despite this, and the fact that I was not mentioned by name, the various contact channels associated with my website have been inundated with rape/death threats, as well as a healthy measure of run-of-the-mill gatekeeping vitriol. I'm apparently ruining Gen Con, gaming, and All Things Geeky.

     I'm grateful that the firewalling measures I'd put in place to protect my identity seem to be holding (knock on wood), and, hopefully, the horde will collectively move on in short order. 

     Cosplaying was such a deeply satisfying creative avocation that simultaneously paid homage to the properties that made me feel fundamentally at home. It's not ever going to be that for me again. As such, I'm gonna take this chance to retire from the cosplay game.

     Hawkgirl was the most frustrating, challenging, rewarding, and wonderful costume I ever completed; I'll always regard it that way and, as I leave the hobby, I'm satisfied with it being my final work.”

Wow...

O.k., using someone's photo without their permission, without letting them know, and then selling it? Not cool. Not illegal, perhaps... but not cool.

Death or rape threats, though? Abhorrent. Unacceptable. Illegal.

This is an open letter to every geek, nerd, comic lover, and gamer I know, and all of those I have yet to meet. I’ll do my best to stay focused, but I may ramble a bit… sorry about that but I’m seriously passionate about the topic.

First, I know *FAR* more geeks and nerds that are female... than those who are male. Seriously. I’m in no way making a fallacious statement to attempt to support an argument. This is just a fact. A decade ago, this wasn’t true, but thank Stan Lee (or whichever other comic god you like, Rachel Gluckstern will also do nicely) it is true today. Has the gender balance hurt the community? Not in the least! The opposite is true, in fact.

The female geeks, nerds, and gamers I know are, by and large, better spirited, more well educated, kinder, usually more "in the know" about their fandoms, and generally more in touch with good hygiene than their male counterparts in geek and nerd culture. How can having them in the community or as friends be anything but a good a thing? That is unless you are a guy who is petty, small-minded, poorly educated, misogynistic, bitter and perhaps sad and lonely and the mere presence of females makes you anxious, apprehensive, awkward, and unsure of your place in the world and therefore willing to lash out in cruel, insensitive, and hurtfully ways that bullies have used on you in the past. But guys, that’s not who you are… is it? You’re better than that, aren’t you? C’mon.

I mean, guys, the argument can be made, far more easily today than at any time before, that perhaps you are only getting into gaming or geeky and nerdy things simply for all the women. You want to look like you know what’s going on and are adept only to impress and perhaps in hopes of being able to hook up with one of the myriad impressive women of geekdom. “Guys are only pretending to be into gaming and reading comics to impress the ladies. They’re just posers, pretending, so that maybe they can get close to some cosplay goddess.” Right?

I’ll admit that my kneejerk reaction to seeing the photo and caption above was an indignant “how dare you!” that upon thinking about it was well deserved, but perhaps didn’t come to me for all the right reasons. Not right away, anyway. See, when I grew up gamers were Atari kids, Nintendo kids, and PC gamers. We were nerds and geeks that picked on for not being into sports or dressing in the hippest newest styles. We read comics and traded cards. We were the outsiders who went into AV club, chess club, academic teams, choir, band, and theater. We usually didn’t want to be excluded or looked down on, nor did we want to be treated poorly, picked on, or bullied, but it was our lot. We were geeks and nerds. So where I come from in all this is: “How dare you treat other geeks and nerds the way the normal or popular kids treated us.” I think, perhaps that’s a statement on how old I am. I might be a little out of touch there, as geek and nerd culture has become a lot “cooler” these days. I’d love to say we’ve “come a long way, baby,” but clearly we’ve gone backward in some fairly important ways.

Lately I’ve seen blatant slut shaming of cosplayers by ComicCons in New Mexico, cries of “Poser” tossed at people who are into things, and like them, but haven’t let them take over their whole lives due to silly things like careers, families, budgets and the like, and I’m blown away.  This is not the community it once was, and we only have ourselves to blame for turning a blind eye to behavior like this for far, far too long. That has to stop.

However, I’m drifting from my earlier (unfinished) point. I was kneejerk offended for the wrong reason. “How dare you!” was absolutely the right reaction, I just arrived at it the wrong way. Taking a longer look at this I see that where I should have been coming from is a human point of view. I shouldn’t have *just* been upset that other geeks and nerds were being treated this way, and I shouldn’t have *just* been mortified and angered that women were being treated this way, I should have been outraged, in the age we live in, that any human being is treated this way and that it is treated with silent acceptance by those who are not directly affected by it. I’m looking squarely at you, men. The guys who would never do something like this in their wildest dreams, but also don’t speak out against those who are doing it or in defense of those who are being treated this way.

And don't even get me going on the Cosplay is not consent issue (which is related, but not my current topic). If you don't already know about it, you should. Really. Educate your self with a good Google search or just start here.

Ultimately this is where I am, and what I am saying to you...

Sexism? Not acceptable. Death threats to anyone? Not acceptable. Rape threats to anyone? Not acceptable. Racism? Not acceptable. Slut shaming? Not acceptable. Homophobia or Transphobia? Not acceptable. Verbal or text based abuse? Not acceptable. Sexually assaulting or harassing cosplayers? Not acceptable.

Is this difficult to grasp? Really? 

This cannot be tolerated in the world as a whole, let alone tolerated in a community of geeks, nerds, comic lovers, and gamers. Not even in the slightest.

This kind of treatment of women in fandoms has to end, and it has to end now. I cannot stress this enough. Men feeling somehow challenged by women to the point of lashing out with threats of violence is beyond ridiculous. It’s hateful, fearful, weak, and wrong. Moreover it doesn’t just simply violate the law, it violates the sense of community… the very essence… of acceptance of those with shared interests, passions, and loves that are the core of what being a geek or nerd or gamer are truly all about.

Women want to share the fandoms they love. Many of them love them as much, or more, than the men involved. Don't believe me? Check out people and places like "HARPY - FANGIRLHEADQUARTERS WITH DONNA DICKENS" online. Or try something even more revolutionary... approach them as equals, human beings, and respectfully ask them about their love of their fandoms. And if you do and it happens that they don't love whatever obscure thing it is that you adore to the core of you very being as much as you do... so what? It doesn't hurt you. It doesn't take food off your table. It doesn't lessen your ability to love what you love. Stop it. It's 2016, guys. Stop treating nerd/geek/comic/gaming culture as if it were the McCarthy era. Women are fans just like men. They aren't infiltrators. Your fandoms are not religions and those with ovaries are not infidels. Damn.

I am impressed with, and heartened by, the news that Gen Con has caught up withthe age we live in. Men? It's now your turn. You have a moral obligation to not only your community, but to the society we all share.

If you don't behave like this, that's wonderful. Not behaving like this isn't enough, though. Not anymore. You must speak out against it. You must challenge those who do behave like this. This is not something you can just sit idly by and let happen. To do so it to be complicit. If you see this happen, get involved. If you hear of it happening, support those who have been victimized and speak out against it loudly. Use your voice. Push out the offenders. If they are making illegal threats, report them, if you saw it firsthand then be a witness against them. Do not let this happen. Don't let it be someone else's problem. It is a cancerous illness in our community that we must all work diligently together to battle against.

Men and women are equal, and deserve equal treatment and respect. Stand up for everyone. When you let anyone be put lower, or be threatened like this, you are letting them make less of us all.

Now lets all enjoy some Team Unicorn and get down to the business of fixing this!